trust

So my phone was stolen. And it’s totally my fault. I didn’t listen. I’ve been trying so hard to listen. To learn what my inner voice sounds like. To be able to differentiate between that and that annoyingΒ secondary voice of doubt and fear. To be able to tune into myself and know what’s right. But I’ve been struggling.. So even when I’m shouted at, and hear it as clear as day, I still don’t listen. This was a big lesson. A reminder. Trust in your intuition. When it speaks to you, take action.

I was leaving the office and in a rush as we had to get a taxi to the vets to give Pasay residents their beloved (newly ball-less) pets back. In my haste I had squirted hand cream all over my top so as I tried to wipe it off whilst running out the door, I grabbed my phone and shoved it in the front of my bag. I knew I shouldn’t put it there. I even thought, Steph, don’t put it there. Never put valuables in the outside pocked of your rucksack. I know this, I reminded myself at the time. But I was in a rush. It’s fine I thought. I would sort it in a minute. I’ll move it later.. Well, I do have a degree in procrastination.

We arrived in Pasay City, got out the cab, and was crossing over the railway/road bridge. It was super busy, lots of people, and congested in places. I was walking ahead of Ashley trying to be quick when I suddenly got a bad feeling and this strong message: “Carry your bag in front of you, now“. It was so clear, I heard it and felt it. But me being me decided to put it off. Oh it’s alright, I’ll do it in a minute, lets just get through this bit first. Then Ashley got my attention “Steph, your bags open”, and closed it for me. Straight away my stomach sunk and I knew. My phone was gone. Shit. In the space of 2 minutes from getting out the car to walking over the bridge. Once we got out the other side I checked my bag pointlessly, knowing that I wasn’t going to find it. I told Ashley what happened and she mentioned how she also had a real bad feeling just before she saw my bag.

Obviously I was pissed, but it’s only a material possession. If you know me, then you know electronics and I don’t get on. I can’t recall the number of phones and cameras I’ve gone through; from damage, loss, or theft. This one lasted a whopping 4 months. The thing that upsets me most is losing all my photos though. A new phone can be bought, but my memories were lost, and don’t say no worries they’re stored in my head. As they’re not. If you know me you also know my memory is shocking.

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and this happened so I could learn from it. Like I said, I’ve been working on being better connected with my inner self. And this was a reminder. Hey, I’m talking to you, you’re hearing me, but you don’t realise it’s me. Well it IS. I’M TALKING TO YOU STEPH so take note; you can hear me, just fucking trust me. If I had trusted in myself, I would have a phone right now. Trust yourself, trust in what your head tells you, those initial messages, that voice shouting at you, giving you ideas, tips, or a warning. That initial gut feeling. Not the second one that pipes up just after putting a spanner in the works, creeping in doubts, fears, or laziness. But that intuition. Don’t ignore it. Because that could give enough time for a pickpocket to pinch your pictures, and the phone attached. Ok Universe I get it. I keep asking for you to speak to me, show me the way, and you have been, I’ve just been ignoring you. I hear ya now. I hear me. I trust you/me. Thank you. Fucker.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s